Basically, Life Just Sucks

Well, it's been almost a year since my last post. Sorry to have neglected my posting, but without decent internet at home, it's nearly impossible these days. While many little things have not changed in my life, there have been some big changes. Here are the highlights:

• In September, Mom started packing in earnest for her move up here. We took in her two dogs, Stanley and Shadow, while she packed so that they wouldn't be so nervous and constantly under her feet. On Sept. 21st, Shadow disappeared from the front yard while Sis and I were in Olympia doing some grocery shopping. We never found him or found out what happened to him. Sis, Mom and I were absolutely devastated.
• Jim moved away at the end of October, about three days before Mom moved in. He sold off the riding lawn mower, which we owned half of, and kept all the money. He tried to steal a bunch of Les's tools, and also sold the one working push mower we had, keeping the money for that as well. Parting good-byes were tense. I made sure I wasn't home.
• Mom moved in at the end of October. We had lots of help from the men in her church, and my nephew Jeremy was a HUGE help. He got a friend of his, Dana, to help. Dana had a huge pickup and toy trailer that pretty much held everything in my mom's trailer! They took stuff to storage and brought the rest to the house. We hugged and praised Dana, and I told Jeremy to give him my number if he was interested in a fat wife.
• One week after Mom moved in, Jeremy's wife left him for Dana. Apparently they had been having an affair for months.
• We managed to make it through the winter without killing each other.
• In February, we had to put Luka down. We think she may have suffered a stroke. We think she was around 15 or 16 years old. She had a great life with us and we miss her every single day.
• Also in February, Les started having a pain in his side, like a kidney stone. After several weeks, I finally managed to convince him to go to the ER to have it looked at. It wasn't a kidney stone. The ER doctor was very kind and a little amazed as he told us that it was actually cancer that had completely invaded his lungs and liver. He could not believe that Les was just now presenting because of pain! He told him he was too tough for his own good. After seeing an oncologist, Les decided he wanted to do chemo. It would only extend his life about 18 months, but he wanted those 18 months and we supported him in that.
• On March 3rd, Les turned 80 years old.
• On March 7th, Les had his first chemo treatment.
• On March 10th, Les passed away in his sleep. He had been admitted to the hospital at about 3am that morning because he was completely incoherent and was running a high temp. He thought the paramedic was his son, Lee. They got him stabilized and brought his temp down, but his heart rate was really high. Sis and I left the hospital later in the morning to go home and get a few hours sleep. We went back in the afternoon, and he was better, but had big sores in his throat (probably from the chemo) and couldn't eat anything. We left him in the evening so that Sis could go home and get some sleep. Her heart condition has worsened again and the stress and little sleep was really bad for her. We left Sis's cell phone number for the nurses and went home. Sis made me turn my cell phone off because work kept calling me, trying to get me to come in. When I woke up the next morning, there were five missed calls and voicemails from the hospital, trying to reach Sis. He had died at 11:30 that night. The hospital had transposed her phone number in their system and couldn't reach her; I was the second contact but had my phone turned off. Sis cannot forgive herself for not being there.
• Without Les's income, and the fact that Sis's name is not on the mortgage, the bank is now foreclosing. I got Sis an attorney, and we may be able to save the house, but chances are slim. Sis currently has no income, and Social Security is taking their own sweet time approving her benefits. There are mountains of paperwork and the meds Sis is on make her really dizzy and jelly brained, so I am trying to help her keep track of everything, but she keeps losing stuff, etc.
• Like I mentioned, Sis's heart condition is getting worse again and she is barely capable of the most basic things. Mom and I are constantly waiting on her, hand and foot, and we feel horrible and selfish for hating every minute of it. She has zero stamina and mostly just sits in her recliner watching YouTube videos and playing games on her phone all day. Or sleeping all day. Sometimes she is able to help prepare dinner or go to the grocery store, but then the next day she can only sleep. I am trying to get her to go back to the cardiologist, but it's been fighting an uphill battle.
• I am trying to come to terms with my fate. I will probably never have a life of my own again. I will spend the rest of my life taking care of Sis and Mom, and then will be too old for a love life or anything like that. I will end my days in a state run nursing home, being abused and robbed blind by the staff until I finally die. The end.

So much for trying not to be negative. Thanks for listening and letting me get this off my chest, especially that last bullet.  Probably not a wise choice of words - "last bullet". Surely things can only go up from here? I probably shouldn't ask that out loud, should I?


I hope anyone reading this is doing better than we are. I'm trying to keep my chin up and I buy a lottery ticket every now and then. Wish me luck with that.


TTFN.