Well, the weight loss tracker is still moving in the wrong direction. CRAP. Yes, I said it, you read it, C R A P. I HATE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT!!! Sigh. OK, enough self-pity - what was the problem? Oh, just pizza and pasta and those stupid little chocolate donuts that you can get at WalMart by the crate. Oh yeah, and still taking no exercise. Other than that, I just can't understand why I am not waking up each morning in a puddle of fat! Depression has been crushing all of my best habits lately (shut up, yes, I do have a few) and causing me to eat all kinds of garbage just in case the world shall end in my sleep and I will never get the opportunity to eat pizza or little chocolate donuts by the crate ever again. The fact that the world seems to keep dawning new each morning has apparently been lost on my depression-addled brain. So, help me out here in reaching said brain. Please take a moment to scream at the top of your lungs along with me - yes, you in the back, come on speak up - STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!! Thank you.
Having said that, I actually woke up in a pretty focused mood this morning. I realized that I have not been taking any of my medications for at least a week; perhaps this could be part of the problem. Not just with the depression - doesn't take a MD to figure that one out - but with my weight loss (gain) problems and eating out of control. So, this morning I am back on the meds. Yesterday, with the threat of Les coming to possibly spend the evening, I actually managed to get the living room into some kind of shape that would not cause me to blindfold him before he came in the front door. I have been living in mortal fear that the dreaded landlord would make an appearance and demand entry and I would have to feign the Black Plague to keep him outside. I even sent Ollie an email and told her that she may now come over to watch movies with me if she wished - just as long as she did not look into the kitchen (which is another post in itself). I am not completely finished but the goal for tonight is to finish it and get out my walking-exercise DVD. I had an awesome CD playing yesterday (that Sissy made for me) while I was cleaning, and sometimes I ran in place to the music or just danced in an alarmingly white way (arm flinging, pointing at random objects repeatedly, the Cabbage, etc.). If my landlord has hidden cameras in my place then he is blind now, and deservedly so. I was surprised by these sudden and random bursts of energy; it just isn't like me. But, I would like it to be like me, and to be more often like me.
I really hate this part of Daylight Savings Time too - do not mess with my sleep time, do not take an hour away from me! But, I will have to say, I do enjoy having more light at the end of the day. I wish that the US would just leave the time where it is now and stop messing with it. Arizona doesn't even participate - how funny is that?? I like having more sun at the end of the day so that I can get stuff done at home. If it's dark outside when I get home, it must be sleepy time. I want to get the house back in shape, and I want to make some earrings and bracelets with the lovely lovely beads that I bought on Saturday. Man, I walked out of the bead store with a sack the size of an egg and it cost me $45!! When you are scooping up pretty shiney things at $.10 a piece, you forget exactly how much money you are spending; I think they do that on purpose. If I manage to make anything, I will post some pictures of them on here.
Speaking of posting pictures, I took in my collection of portraits that I have taken over the years in to show my therapist on Saturday. It's one of the few things I have done in life that I am proud of, so I just wanted to show them off. She thinks that getting back into photography will help me a lot with my depression. My problem is that Alisha, Reanna and Amber were my star models, and I'm not down there any more! So, somehow I will have to find some people that will allow me to take their pictures I guess. If the girls will give me permission, I will post some of my favorite portraits on here too.
Well - I guess I should stop blathering and get on with it; I did really well on my eating today and I drank at least 40 oz of water so far today. I have no clue what I'm doing for dinner, but I will try my best to be good.