*At this point, my male readers and/or sensitive types not interested in TMI may skip down a ways.*
My Aunt Flow has not visited, phoned, emailed, or even FaceBooked me for more than a year; Thursday, she decided to drop in unannounced. I was totally fine Thursday morning; as I was merging onto the freeway on my way to work, my right ovary said, "Hey! Watch this! (insert wet squishy-squeezy sound here)". Then my left ovary said, "That's nuthin'. Watch this! (insert even wetter squishier-squeezier sound here)". Then my uterus said, "Amateurs. Watch THIS! (insert sound of me wailing and trying not to wreck the truck)". By the time I got to work 45 minutes later, I was doubled over the steering wheel. Fortunately, the sacrifice I offered up to the parking lot gods before I left home was well received, and I found a space quite close to my lab. I took a large dose of Advil, had a little something to eat, and about an hour later felt pretty good. At approximately 3pm, it started all over again, and this time no amount of Advil would appease. By the time I got home I was a-dyin'. I called ahead and asked Sis to round up a heating pad for me; god bless the inventor of heating pads!! It must have been a woman with monstrous cramps and a bad back. Friday morning I sent out emails at 4am letting everyone know I would NOT be coming to work. I know they all thought that I was just scamming to get an extra day off for the long holiday, but I really wasn't! I only got out of bed to use the bathroom and hobble into the kitchen for some lukewarm water and dry toast. Oy. Saturday morning I hobbled to the shower, managed to pull on some clothes, and went into Chehalis. I had to drop off due library books, get some food for the fur-balls, and then crawled down the health aisle at Safeway to get a bottle of Evening Primrose Oil. It was ten bucks but I would have sold everything I own to get that bottle. I took two of them right there in the truck with some watered-down Diet Coke from Jack-In-The-Box that had been sitting in my cup holder for three days. That's desperation right there folks, let me tell ya. Within an hour, my cramps had eased considerably. Still, when I got home, I got back in my nightie and went back to bed. By Sunday I could get dressed and do a few things without feeling like I had to keep my knees locked together for fear of necessary organs falling out.
*OK, sensitive readers may join us again. Thanks for your patience.*
I went outside to keep an eye on Les while he was working in the new garden and spraying weed killer around our big tree stump. Sammy was out there with him, and caught two huge mice or moles or voles or some sort of rodent which he proudly paraded around the yard with then promptly devoured. Yuck. Mom (with her dogs Stanley and Shadow in tow) came home with Sissy Sunday night and I continued to take the EPO and felt a little better. Monday, when I had the day off with my sister and my mother, when there were yard sales literally every quarter mile down every road around us, I woke up with a migraine.
REALLY? GO HOME, AUNT FLOW; YOU'RE DRUNK.
Spent pretty much all day in bed. At least mom's dogs like to snuggle in bed with me, and thank goodness for my Kindle so that I could watch Netflix and play Farm Hero Saga in bed. Between Mom and Les being deaf and having to yell back and forth over the TV and the noise of eight - yes, EIGHT - little barking dogs with pitches to their barks that were making dolphins off the coast of southern California look around and wonder - What's that noise? - I could. not. even. So I went in my room and hid for a few hours. When I came out, I felt a little better and was treated to the entertainment of two deaf 78-year-old-plus people using their new canes to try and chase chickens out of the newly planted garden. That...was awesome.
So, to make a long story short (TOO LATE!), no crafting was achieved. And I am SO BUMMED because I used the last of my gift card to buy this Newton's Nook Designs stamp set:
|Delightful Doxies Clear Stamp Set|
So, hopefully you had a better weekend than I, and also hopefully I will be posting some sort of cute craft project featuring doxies very soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me!