Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Not much going on...

I haven’t written anything in a while because, well, other than whining about the trivial amount of crap happening in my life (as compared with the rest of the world), there just hasn’t been very much going on. I continue to struggle with depression, especially recently with worrying about financial issues – whether to declare bankruptcy or not. Stupid medical bills. Stupid hospital for charging so much for getting rid of stupid kidney stones. Stupid economy crashing, making it impossible for me to get stupid raise from stupid employer. Stupid me whining about stupid problems when other people are facing stupid foreclosure on their homes due to stupid banks being stupid. But, problems are problems, and the fact that I owe more than $7,000 in medical bills alone feels like it may as well be $7,000,000.

This frustration is compounded by the fact that I still cannot make any headway in the weight loss struggle. I manage to get down to about eight or nine pounds above the three hundred mark, and then…TWANG!!! I am whiplashed back up 10 pounds or so back to where I started. EEERRRGGG!!!! Everyone is going to meet their goal for the party in August except me. Why? Why can’t I get it together? Why do I reach a certain point and then just…quit? I am tired of falling off the proverbial wagon to be trampled by pizza-wielding horses. (And why are the horses behind the wagon? Hmmm…yet another issue to be solved.) I haven’t been exercising either, and of course, that is not helping. And thus the vicious circle spins round and round, making me psychologically dizzy and causing me to vomit forth excuse after excuse. Nice mental picture, eh? Pfft.

But, today I was good (as of the typing of this blog entry, anyway) and had oatmeal for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch, with dietetically approved snacks and consumption of the appropriate amount of liquids. One day down, a lifetime to go.


  1. Have you tried taking anything for your depression? Since Dale died, I have been on Cymbalta and it has really helped. It has helped me to lose weight, I think, and it has put a lot of things into perspective that really never have been in my life.

    I have also found a lot of comfort, spiritually and otherwise, by reading Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and "Practicing the Power of Now". I liked the books so much that I bought the CD's and listen to them in the car on road trips. I found the books and CD's on ebay for a very reasonable price.

    Please know that I am thinking of you, and if there is anything at all I can do to help, just let me know.

    We "friends of Dale" have to stick together!

  2. Oh Laurie - you are so sweet! Thanks so much for your kind comments. Yes, I have been taking Effexor for over a year (I have been on and off rx meds for about 5 years now); I recently saw my Dr. about it and he has switched me over to Prozac but I haven't gotten the script filled yet since I still have about a half bottle of Effexor left.

    I will have to check out The Power of Now - thanks for the suggestion!

    I am here for you too; the next time you come to Billings we should have lunch!


Comments totally rock my world - please leave one!