I have stuck to my WW points for an entire week (except for Friday night); I have gone walking on Tuesday, Wednesday, and today - 20 minutes on Tuesday and 25 minutes Wednesday and today. And, as you can see by my little ticker at the top of the page, the hula girl is moving closer to my goal! The big party is in August and has a Hawaiian theme, so I changed my ticker to reflect that. Woo hoo!
I have been feeling positive about 85% of the time. There are times when I am feeling so good, so WELL, so positive...then I catch sight of myself in a window. I don't have a single full length mirror in my house, and I manage to look myself dead in the eye in the bathroom mirror when doing my hair, brushing my teeth, etc. It is the only mirror in the place, and it hits me at about bellybutton height, so I never get to see myself full length - just the way I like it. Anyhoo, I digress. When I see myself reflected in a window or something that shows me full length, I think, "Why am I doing this? What difference does it make? I am too old to ever find anyone that will love me. By the time I lose all the weight I want to, I will probably be 45 (if I'm lucky) and no one will want me." For a few minutes, my world crumbles and I want to just crawl in a hole and stay there (as long as I can order pizza). I don't know who in the world will want to be with a 40+ year old that has had zippo experience with relationships (the last time I had a boyfriend, I was 17. Haven't even been kissed since then, let alone anything else. People who say they have "chosen" to be celibate for a month crack me up). But then I remember that lots of women find love later in life and are very happy. And even if I never find love, if I stay strong and loose weight and exercise, I will die happy knowing that I won't have to be removed from my house with a crane and be buried in a piano crate for a coffin.
Sheesh - could I be any more morbid? Let's not find out, shall we? I have been having some fun planning my new wardrobe for my August vacation. The new Roaman's plus size catalog came in the mail the other day, and there are lots of really cute clothes in there that I could pull off if I meet my goal weight by then. Normally I don't get a big thrill out of the thought of buying new clothes, because I am using buying them in a BIGGER size. I can't wait to find out what it feels like to buy clothes in a SMALLER size! I have been pizza free for an entire week (I'm surprised Domino's and Papa John's haven't sent the cops by to make sure I'm OK), and have had fast food a few times but made them work into my points for the day. Friday night I did go over and have fish & chips with a piece of cheesecake at Montana Jacks. However, I did not feel guilty because I have decided that if I am going to jump off the wagon and run along side, I will do it with a plan and not with the "screw this I'm just chucking it" attitude. If I want to go off plan and have dinner out, I will do it on a Friday or Saturday; I will continue to eat the way I should for the entire day - with the exception of that one meal - instead of pigging out all day long; and I will still exercise that day. I want to lose the weight, but I don't want to live in a world where I cannot eat something if I really want it and am willing to be responsible about it. That isn't a change of lifestyle, that is a diet and it is hell.
Welp, I'ma gonna sign off for now. I had a lovely day and I am tired and wish to go sleepy bo-bos. TTFN.